The “Answer”
The reason why sometimes I don’t want to ask my mind out is because of the fact that I am scared to hear the answer. Ever since childhood I am anxious to ask serious questions afraid that answers would give me heartache or what-so-ever. Most of the time, I anticipate answers based on my instinct which, at times, in fate are correct. In short, I give answer to my question before I spill it. hehe.
Like two nights ago, I had the courage to ask something that bothers me for how many days/weeks/months. Maybe because I was a bit sleepy already (weird thing about me, whenever I have this sleepy head over me, I am more like a tipsy-drunken-party-girl, I can let my inner shout out with courage). Then there I am, I ask without hesitation. I already have (actually) a hint what would be “the answer”. But I refused to think about it. I want to know the answer not coming from my instinct/feeling. Not coming from me. Not from my assumption.
So I was like, “Pwede bang magtanong?”, then I got, “Yes. Ano un?”. From there, I released what’s on my mind. I won’t expound the conversation anymore (especially the question.hehe) cause it was only a question and answer plus one two-way explanation. Yeah, I was able to find an answer. Funny thing, I knew the answer before I ask the question. I kew it before my curiosity cropped up. “The answer” I don’t want to hear slowly cut my heart.
Then I find myself thinking….
